(May 1, 2018) Some thoughts with Summer on the horizon:
I want to read for pleasure and watch all the movies. I want to actually nap when the baby naps. I want to go swimming, take walks on the pier, and smell the ocean. I want to laugh. I want to play with my kids and hear them laugh. I want to go on a date with my man. I want to eat really delicious food. I want to embrace simple pleasures. I want to catch up with my girlfriends over drinks, and laugh some more. I want to feel truly nourished from the inside out. I want to LIVE SLOW.
Life has felt really fast for a long time. When I was pregnant with Isabelle, time went really slow. I mean, torturously slow. (I'm not someone who feels great while pregnant.) And then she was born and all was well, but at some point my relationship to time shifted.
Part of it was the feeling like my time at home with her was running out, day by day, week by week. It felt like an hourglass of sand, going faster and faster. Part of it was needing to do everything quickly before she started crying again. Part of it was desperately trying to figure out a way to earn money from home, so I wouldn't have to leave her. Part of it was all the other things I needed to do.
Thankfully, there is resolution on some of the above, yet I still find myself frantically rushing around. Yes, I often have a lot to do in short windows, but plain & simple my energy needs to change. Sometimes I'm stressed and anxious and rushing around, other times I'm excited because there's so many things I want to do. What I need though, is calm.
I just completed a six month journey with Hannah Marcotti's Magic Making Business Circle and I am deeply changed. I have the long awaited clarity that I am a painter, and a mama, and I don't need to take on anything else. I feel called to paint, I love it, and I believe I will be supported by it. And so, as I continue to paint daily, and work on my latest series, "The Many Faces of Love," I will begin to exhale, surrender, and slow down.
I plan to release my series in May (or June). I will always paint, and be mama, and for what comes next, see the first paragraph <3
I want to read for pleasure and watch all the movies...